the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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