Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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