Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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