i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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