I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
