My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
