i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
