she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
