put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
