i think i have herpe
just one?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
