While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
