he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you never un-have a 4some
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
