just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
