just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
