anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize