You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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