god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
