I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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