He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
