Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
