tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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