Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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