I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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