I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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