in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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