Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had sex on a roof
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
