I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
