we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
