i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
