how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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