when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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