Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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