i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
