why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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