Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
