I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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