she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
