I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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