after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
