sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
