Umm I'm too high to move.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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