i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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