I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
