"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
