My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
