It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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