U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
