I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
