yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
