i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
