C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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