you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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