Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
