he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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