Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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