i barfeds in our rink
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
