if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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