At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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