youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
