i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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